BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE
WITH BEAUTIFUL SOCIAL NORMS
WITH BEAUTIFUL SOCIAL NORMS
Written and compiled by
MOHAMMED OBAIDULLAH ALVI
Senior Journalist, Blogger, Anthropologist and Historian
(Cell # 0331-5446020)
***************************************************
There
are the most beautiful wedding customs in Circle Bakote including all
Kohsar. From the first day to the last
event in laws house, groom and bride spend the life time memories in old days but
it is a dream in new age and society.
The main part of this ceremony acted practically by MIRACIES and NAIES.
These are both socially recognized institution at that time and their opinion
was ultimately the final decision making factor in this regard.
The
nature of Mirasies as institutions
Mirasi
as we termed a musician is not correct in old days when a society in Kohsar
living with a social contract, Mirasi was a social institution with importance
of social performance of his duties. He was a symbol of society bonds from
first day as a son of a feudal lord or a common man tied up with the same
family daughter. Mirasi had got a back bone of a couple in selecting a groom or
bridal, if he passed “Yes” vote, the decision was final.
Who
was Mirasi?
Miras
(میراث)
means heritance from father or mother to he or she descendants based on
unobjectionable family tree that narrated by Mirasies. Mirasi was a recite of
society and people past generations at that time when printing press, Radio,
television, computer, face book and internet was existed. As a holder of tribes
and families ancestral highly verified
record he called Mirasi or guardian of inheritance.
Mirasi nature of duties
Mirasi was a highly ethnological
knowledge holder of his time both in Arab and Indian societies. Arab called him
Nassab or نسابین and Science of Ethnology (علم الانساب) while in India Mirasi was a investigator
in blood relationship building between two families or tribes. He started his
work when his feudal or any person of his village or society appointed him for
a relationship in his tribe or same social status holder. He works slowly but
with fully devotion with his task as in detail:
A…….. He wear yellow dress that was
a symbol that Mirasi was on way to a girl parent hous inside or outside a town.
B……..He carried a basket on his
head full of sweet breads (پكوان). No one asked him about his task because everybody know his
job and duty.
C…….He received with full protocol
by father or brothers or guardians of proposed girl with other party Mirasies,
he came in house bed room where all ladies were busy in their house matters
without any hesitation. He watched inner matters of house, ladies working in
common kitchens, analyzed social and monitory status of host family as live
stock and other things. Family chief met with him and introduced all his family
members including opposite sex one by one. The host family Mirasi was on
special duty about “honorable gust” till next day morning. The upper side of
bed was reserved by “honorable Gusts” always and Mirasi was sitting on upper
side of bed as a representative of a groom family in status of a “honorable
Gusts”. He hosted with all norms and social values of that time, relatives of
host family shacked hand and gave full honor to “honorable Gusts”.
Yes or No
Mirasi good by host family and
sleep with hope and his shoes are on a right way in arranged order it means
that blood relation terms were approved by groom family but shoes are same
condition as he left at night disclosed that no blood relation with Mirasi
masters. Mirasi first of all looked on his shoes than decided his next strategy
of coming day, in case of “No” he breakfast and left the groom house with all
his sweet that returned to him. I his shoes reflected the will of groom family positively
he get up, performed Fajer Prayer, recited the Holy Qur’an with male members of
family in morning, breakfast at 8 AM and then he walked in paddy fields and
other borders of host family property. He discussed matters with the other side
Mirasi family and often he successfully got a bride for his son on same day.
Host family re-cooked sweets for groom family and Mirasi left back third day of
his arrival to his way. Groom family confirmed their blood relationship with
their counterpart as Mirasi arrival delayed and they received him with joys as
their own family member. They invited all their notable tribe’s elders and gave
them tidings of new blood relationship.(More Read)
Engagement
(Choorh)
One
or two week later groom parents went to bridal house with large numbers of
sweets and other gifts for their nominated daughter in law after arrival of
Mirasi. Often both families’ elders and other relatives gather on this occasion
and after one or two days they announced engagement of bride and groom. The
elders of both families met one to one in separation and exchanged views before
announcement. The announcement was made by religious elders; they offered Fateha
that called CHOORH or DOAEY KHAIR. The engaged daughter got a gust status from
that day at parent house. Host family cooked sweets and other gifts for groom
and then gust returned back to home. The in-laws of bride sent special gifts on
all occasions as SHEB E BARAT, EIDS and other memorial days of both families. Bride
and groom’s mothers in law, sisters in law and other female relatives were also
visited twice ore more time in a month. If wedding day decided, groom wear a GANA (colored Bracelet) on his wrist and bride sit in KHUNN or store room, where she eat and slept.
Other costumes before weddings
There were many other costumes before day of wedding. Cloths (new) were not as common as in modern days societies and every one had a new cloths one ore two times in life. Families prepared new cloths for grooms and brides after engagement announcement. They invited all relative on the day of cloth preparation by tailor and it called "POONTER" or "KAPRHEY BAITRAI". Relatives hosted with gee boiled breads called "MANYAN". The congratulated couple and thrier parents and presented "NENDRA" also.
Pahji or Invitation of weddings
The family called Mirasi and briefed him about invitation of his tribe as well as other non relative people of town. List of people prepared as the last wedding event invitation and the "NENDRA" (borrower money that people contributrd to a family wedding expenses) that the family paid to others. Mirasi in ancient and NAI in pre-modern era started invitation to people with dried dates and PETASHEY. Close relatives reserved privilege that they would be invited by elder of host family personally, if no, nobody of tribe participated in wedding ceremony. It was a compulsory invitation norms of society.
Secret interaction about TUMMON strategy
Bride tribe composed a secret strategy for groom wedding procession and it was also a compulsory obligation of them to solve it before NIKAH. Groom family bribed the most intelligent fellow of Mirasi, Nai or bride family angry persons who leaked information but if they failed to received any intellegence about it they select an expert or a aged person who solve the question of groom family. This costume called "TUMMON". There were very strict principles about secrecy of Tummon strategy and if this leaked, family of groom ordered social boycott to persons who were presented in counseling and composing strategy. This leaks showed when groom family have solved the question without any hesitation and immediately actions. There are many new methods of Tummon as Lubricating pitcher, Shooting on heights, roasted bull meat eating in a limited and specific time, rice cultivating in night etc. Groom procession managed an elder who solved the problems on this occasion. Groom procession stopped in days if failed to solved Tummon issue and Nikah did not take place and Numberdar of village presented substitute with permission or NOC of Nikah. It was a custom that busy both groom and bride families with intellectual approach.
Nai (barber) and his wife in both families were responsible for makeup of bride and groom. Rouge past was the first step of makeup of bridal couple in night. Nai cut the hair of head and beard in suitable shape with oily massage. He also bathed groom sitting on a lower chair and when groom tied up turban, wore the sehra, Nai showed his mirror before him and got praised word with a few money. It called MUNH DEKHAI or NELHAIE. Bride makeup and massage had taken place when she ready to leave her parent house permanently in DOLI.
Wedding procession composition (بارات)
Wedding procession composition was very interesting in Circle Bakotr. Two ore more "wedding friends" were along him with same dress, color and northrop without Sehra (golden vail). They were also representatives of their families who participated in wedding as a whole in shape of NENDRORHI (all family or non family member who were invited by wedding friends' family and they payed NENDRA (a contributed money who received prior in their wedding ceremonies). All members of NENDRORHI often participated in wedding procession and it showed who long was procession but those who did not participated, who came at night at wedding house and they received with full protocol. They spent night after banquet at wedding family arranged DAIRAS in a saparat house with all facilities and arrangements as season required. Next day they left the house after luxurious breakfast. (ویڈیو دیکھئے)
Mahr Issue at the time of Nikah
Groom procession prepared himself for new issue of MAHR (Mony right of bride from groom, it is compulsory for groom to pay in cash before physical relations on wedding night and next day held WALIMA, a wedding reception in honor of invitees). Elders of bride family showed their decided Mehr to groom elders as Rs. 8X20 (160) or 10X20 (200), that was the highest amount of those days. Groom elders argued for reduction of this amount and said that "Please deducted Rs. 20 on the name of Al Mighty Allah.
This compeled bride family for deduction Rs. 20 than groom family demanded deduction on the name of Holy Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) and this demand also fulfilled. Groom family than argued the social and monetary problems of new wedded couple and deduction in Mehr fixed on 2X20 or 3X20 (Rs. 40 or 60). Often groom family insisted on Mehr according to Islamic Sharea as fixed Rs. 32 and it was accepted many time. (Read more)
Kalma reciting issue of groom
After fixing Mahr the next issue was Kalma reciting by groom loudly. Muslim social contract (Nikah) based on a true Muslimhood. The first step of embracing Islam is reciting KALMA TAYEBA as لا الہٰ الاللہ محمدرسول اللہ i.e "There is no God but Allah and Mohammed is the (last) prophet of Al mighty Allah". Recitation was compulsory by groom and it was a theory of Islamic scholar of those days that a Muslim might expelled from Islam if he committed sins by his will or unwillingly any time in his life so he would embrace Islam again before starting a new social life. It was duty of the Molvi (Religiuos leader) of groom family to memorize six Kalmas, Qanoot Prayers and Adjectives Faith (صفت ایمان). If groom recited all these faith related verses without any difficulties, it was a great victory of groom family Molvi and he awarded with one new suet, but if situation was reversed, it was a odd moments and a question mark on his future. Nikah recitation was duty of bride side Molvi and he was paid by groom family.
New ruthless test of groom by in laws' ladies
It was the most ruthless and tough trail of groom by ladies of bride family. They ordered him to sit on a bed or chair, they had taken off chair. If groom balanced himself and not lost his stamina, he announced as brave and hard titles but he became a tool of laughing among them in failure. He have lost his shoes and he did nothing. He paid money to ladies at last as termed a right of sisters in laws and then he drank milk that offered by them. Sisters in laws returned money to groom in double and presented boiled sweet milk for drink to their new brother in law.
Mother, father, brother, sisters and other relatives hug her for minutes, she stood up, walked to white or red covered Doli, father sit her in it and then groom invited to carry up Doly on door steps. Bride stopped there for a moment and through rice or other grains inside house, it means that she had returned all her love and rights to parents. That was the last episode of a virgin daughter in her parents’ doorsteps and then cousins or uncles carried Doli en route to groom house. It was a reality that no one played drums of other musical instuments in Circle Bakote on departure of wedding procession in old or modern days culture.
When bride's relatives came in groom house with Doli, they stopped at door step and demanded welcome gifts for bride from mother in law or elder sister in law. Often groom ladies offered live stock or a room of house to bride and then they received bride sitting in Doli. Bride walked in her bridal decorated room corner and sit there in veil. An infant baby or fresh fruits throw in her lap at that time and it means Almighty Allah might gifted her with offspring. Doli was bring on roof with a child sitting in it.
Monh Dekhaie or bride kissing by ladies and so on.......
All invited ladies and girls escorted bride soon after her arrival, unveiled, kissed her loudly and presented some amount of money. It called MOONH DEKHAI. There were no interaction of bride and groom two or three nights because ladies who came with her as fragile item since her fist visit to her parents house on third day as BATH FAIRA. Next day in his in laws house sisters in law bright her on natural water well from where their water supplied. She drank a glass of fresh water and through rice or flour in it and it symbolized that new bride is now a member of family who bring water for them.
Pohchan distribution
Next day of arrival of Doli groom family distributed gifts sweets and cloths among Nendrorhi members and close relatives that called POHCHAN. (To be continued)
Other costumes before weddings
There were many other costumes before day of wedding. Cloths (new) were not as common as in modern days societies and every one had a new cloths one ore two times in life. Families prepared new cloths for grooms and brides after engagement announcement. They invited all relative on the day of cloth preparation by tailor and it called "POONTER" or "KAPRHEY BAITRAI". Relatives hosted with gee boiled breads called "MANYAN". The congratulated couple and thrier parents and presented "NENDRA" also.
Pahji or Invitation of weddings
The family called Mirasi and briefed him about invitation of his tribe as well as other non relative people of town. List of people prepared as the last wedding event invitation and the "NENDRA" (borrower money that people contributrd to a family wedding expenses) that the family paid to others. Mirasi in ancient and NAI in pre-modern era started invitation to people with dried dates and PETASHEY. Close relatives reserved privilege that they would be invited by elder of host family personally, if no, nobody of tribe participated in wedding ceremony. It was a compulsory invitation norms of society.
Secret interaction about TUMMON strategy
 |
Skaib Shahid Alvi
as groom on wedding day
|
On
wedding day……….
Nai (barber) and his wife in both families were responsible for makeup of bride and groom. Rouge past was the first step of makeup of bridal couple in night. Nai cut the hair of head and beard in suitable shape with oily massage. He also bathed groom sitting on a lower chair and when groom tied up turban, wore the sehra, Nai showed his mirror before him and got praised word with a few money. It called MUNH DEKHAI or NELHAIE. Bride makeup and massage had taken place when she ready to leave her parent house permanently in DOLI.
Wedding procession composition (بارات)
Wedding procession composition was very interesting in Circle Bakotr. Two ore more "wedding friends" were along him with same dress, color and northrop without Sehra (golden vail). They were also representatives of their families who participated in wedding as a whole in shape of NENDRORHI (all family or non family member who were invited by wedding friends' family and they payed NENDRA (a contributed money who received prior in their wedding ceremonies). All members of NENDRORHI often participated in wedding procession and it showed who long was procession but those who did not participated, who came at night at wedding house and they received with full protocol. They spent night after banquet at wedding family arranged DAIRAS in a saparat house with all facilities and arrangements as season required. Next day they left the house after luxurious breakfast. (ویڈیو دیکھئے)
Groom procession prepared himself for new issue of MAHR (Mony right of bride from groom, it is compulsory for groom to pay in cash before physical relations on wedding night and next day held WALIMA, a wedding reception in honor of invitees). Elders of bride family showed their decided Mehr to groom elders as Rs. 8X20 (160) or 10X20 (200), that was the highest amount of those days. Groom elders argued for reduction of this amount and said that "Please deducted Rs. 20 on the name of Al Mighty Allah.
This compeled bride family for deduction Rs. 20 than groom family demanded deduction on the name of Holy Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) and this demand also fulfilled. Groom family than argued the social and monetary problems of new wedded couple and deduction in Mehr fixed on 2X20 or 3X20 (Rs. 40 or 60). Often groom family insisted on Mehr according to Islamic Sharea as fixed Rs. 32 and it was accepted many time. (Read more)
Kalma reciting issue of groom
New ruthless test of groom by in laws' ladies
It was the most ruthless and tough trail of groom by ladies of bride family. They ordered him to sit on a bed or chair, they had taken off chair. If groom balanced himself and not lost his stamina, he announced as brave and hard titles but he became a tool of laughing among them in failure. He have lost his shoes and he did nothing. He paid money to ladies at last as termed a right of sisters in laws and then he drank milk that offered by them. Sisters in laws returned money to groom in double and presented boiled sweet milk for drink to their new brother in law.
Fried bread، hand made flour needles and
Henna customs
 |
|
It
was after WW II that hosts were entertained
by handmade
flour needles.
|
Fried
bread (مانیاں), flour needles (سوئیاں) and Hina (مہندی) customs were main event of both bride and groom wedding
ceremonies in old days and modern time. Manyan
was a limited invitation by couple family to close relatives especially ladies
three days before wedding procession in which ladies fried liquid breads in gee
and had been eat to bride and groom under wedding song melodies. They chanted
and sing loke songs which called GALYAN (it is another meaning but not shit) or
SOHLAY on occasion of Maneyai or Manyan. The next day night was very emotional
especially for bride family called Mahndi ni Rat (Hina Evening). Bride female
friends singing sad songs in tears and melted hina on fingers as well as palm.
Bride also weeping, mother and sisters moaned. Bride had taken bath before hina
melting on her hands and after she printed her right hand on front wall of her
parent house. Hina custom in groom house enjoyed with joy as a welcome for
bride.
Bhir Karhi
(Colored pitcher)
 |
| Bhir Karhi (color pottry) by women |
On the day of
bride departure, her cousins, family ladies and girls went to water well with
singing loke songs and a colorful pitcher full of rice. They distributed rice among
children and kids and returned back with water.
Departure of bride
Relatives
gifted bride with potteries, bed, worm cloths, quilt and mattress. Many gave
live stock in shape of goats, cows and buffaloes. Rich and feudal families gifted
bride a female servant also who help her in in-laws house. At the time of
carrying Doli of a bride, very emotional situation created on spot. |
| Modern brides leave parents home in car |
Mother, father, brother, sisters and other relatives hug her for minutes, she stood up, walked to white or red covered Doli, father sit her in it and then groom invited to carry up Doly on door steps. Bride stopped there for a moment and through rice or other grains inside house, it means that she had returned all her love and rights to parents. That was the last episode of a virgin daughter in her parents’ doorsteps and then cousins or uncles carried Doli en route to groom house. It was a reality that no one played drums of other musical instuments in Circle Bakote on departure of wedding procession in old or modern days culture.
A bride of Circle Bakote
A century ago
(Photo by OLD INDIAN PHOTO website)
"Darwatni Porhai" or bride incoming on doorstepWhen bride's relatives came in groom house with Doli, they stopped at door step and demanded welcome gifts for bride from mother in law or elder sister in law. Often groom ladies offered live stock or a room of house to bride and then they received bride sitting in Doli. Bride walked in her bridal decorated room corner and sit there in veil. An infant baby or fresh fruits throw in her lap at that time and it means Almighty Allah might gifted her with offspring. Doli was bring on roof with a child sitting in it.
Monh Dekhaie or bride kissing by ladies and so on.......All invited ladies and girls escorted bride soon after her arrival, unveiled, kissed her loudly and presented some amount of money. It called MOONH DEKHAI. There were no interaction of bride and groom two or three nights because ladies who came with her as fragile item since her fist visit to her parents house on third day as BATH FAIRA. Next day in his in laws house sisters in law bright her on natural water well from where their water supplied. She drank a glass of fresh water and through rice or flour in it and it symbolized that new bride is now a member of family who bring water for them.
Pohchan distribution
Next day of arrival of Doli groom family distributed gifts sweets and cloths among Nendrorhi members and close relatives that called POHCHAN. (To be continued)
Weekly Nida e Waqt Lahore, 8 Feb, 2015
In the end, you must read it
